Finding compassion for our children when they are whining, having a tantrum, hitting, biting, demanding…can be difficult to say the least. But what if you had a tool that would help you to get to this place of compassion when it is most needed? A tool that would help you to respond versus react to your child. That would maintain the attachment and connection with your child. That would help you to feel confident and authentic in your role as a parent.
Does this interest you?
Let’s look at some reasons why children go to this place that can drive a parent mad. They may be tired, hungry, needing attention, love or connection. Maybe they are overwhelmed by the business and the “too much” of everything that goes on throughout their days. This just gives you some ideas about what might be happening.
If they could fully understand and explain to us, life with them may be easier, but since they can’t, we have to figure it out and help them with it.
But when you are frustrated and at the end of your rope, this can be challenging.
I have a strategy to help you with this.
What I am about to share was developed by Kim John Payne the founder of Simplicity Parenting (SP). It is useful in helping you to see your child in their best self. See, when they are whining, having a tantrum…in their worst self (what SP calls a “soul fever”), we can be reactive and parent in ways that we regret.
Have you ever found yourself saying, “I sound just like my ___ (my mom/dad)?” Parents often want to take the good from what they received from their parents but in these difficult times, it is likely that you respond in ways that you don’t want to.
The Compassionate Response Exercise (CRE) is a tool to help you find your authentic voice as a parent and respond from that place. You will respond in your best self.
Watch today's, (I recorded this back in 2014 in my therapy practice), where I guide you through the CRE. Practice this daily so that in a challenging moments you can easily access this image of your child.
Having issues with someone at work, your spouse, a friend, etc.….you can use this as a tool to improve your response in those situations as well. Best wishes!