Start small: How to start creating change in your life and relationships.

September 29, 2016

 

 

 

What is it that you want to change in your life? If you had to pick one thing that was most important to you RIGHT now, what would it be? Is it your relationships, the way you parent, your family’s life, your health…? Which is it for you? 

 

I ask because in order for you to create change you first need to decide what needs to change.  Once you clearly identify the dissatisfaction, write it down.  Read it and make sure that is exactly what you want to change. 

 

Now imagine….

 

Imagine a time when things are better.  What will things be like when it changes?  How will you know things are better?  What will each person involved be doing differently?  How will you feel and others that are involved?  Really get a clear picture of what this change will look like. 

 

Wanting and knowing that things need to change are different.  We all want things but do you whole-heartedly believe that things MUST change?  Their needs to be a strong desire for change to create the motivation.  As a relationship coach, I hear clients say with great conviction, “things must change.”  This is a clue to me, the coach, that the client’s situation has reached a point where the pain of keeping things status quo is greater than the pain of changing. 

This is the motivation that creates change.  Things need to change!

 

And…You must believe you can make this change happen.  Your part only!!  Often when it comes to relationship coaching, a client will come focused on the other person changing, whether it be their spouse, child, employer, etc. It doesn’t quite work that way.  A relationship is a dance between two people but you are solely responsible for your part and can ONLY control you—not the other person.

 

So, if you want to make a change…. focus on YOU. 

 

Your marriage is on the rocks.  Your child is continuously getting into trouble.  Your kids act entitled and constantly demanding.  These are all issues of a relationship but you can make a difference just by working on your part. 

 

Start by creating one small doable change.  What is one thing that YOU can do to start making a shift?  Could you work on meeting your partner’s emotional needs and being all about giving love?  Could you work on just listening and mirroring?  How about just calling your partner to say hello and ask how their day is going during the middle of the day? 

 

What about your child?  Maybe focus on reducing some screen time for your child for the week or even shoot for a daily goal?  It could be creating a new routine for the evening to help with bedtime or something as simple as providing a healthy snack while dinner is cooking, so the kids are not bothering you and a meal gets on the table in time.

 

Have hope and believe you can do this and that change is necessary.   We all need a cheerleader in our lives, so whether you can do that for yourself, and I hope you can, you might also want to share this with your partner, a good friend or a relationship coach that will be there to support you. 

 

Now, you just need to put your small doable change into ACTION.  You may need some help with this so be sure to identify any resources you may need.  You want to be sure that you have help when you need it. 

 

Next, and this is very important--CELEBRATE!  Any small shifts should be celebrated and honor yourself for taking action.  If things are not shifting after two weeks, then review what has happened and tweak as necessary.  People don’t always change quickly, what you need to focus on is what you can learn from each situation and build on that feedback as you continue to succeed.  Don’t fall victim to the trap of dissatisfaction that holds such feelings as shame, despair and failure.  A great mentor of mine always says, “there is no such thing as failures, it is only feedback.” 

 

You know there is something you really want to change in your life and relationships.  It is time and you realize this.  Now it is time for you to believe that you can make change happen and start taking action. Starting with a small doable step will set you up moving in the right direction.  Best wishes!

 

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