In my recent session with a couple, I observed an all too familiar dance of self-protection. It's intriguing to witness how our instinctual reaction often leads us down a treacherous path when faced with the stormy seas of differences. We find ourselves on a journey that seems least likely to bring us to our desired destination.
In the intricate web of a relationship, it's not uncommon for couples to lose their way. It hurts when one or both partners feel unheard, invalidated, or lacking in empathy. And naturally, you fight for what you believe is your right—a fight for understanding, validation, and heart. Yet, as my mentor Terry Real wisely reminds us, "You can be right or married."
Indeed, the truth is that fighting to be right only drags both partners into a relentless power struggle. It becomes a tug-of-war, a battle to establish whose narrative is the truth and who holds the upper hand.
There are no victors in this war because when one partner hurts, the relationship suffers. True victory is achieved when both partners are honored, valued, and respected. If one partner fails to feel this way, both partners miss out.
But here's the key: don't give up or resort to deceit. If you find yourself taking action to hurt your partner, withdrawing, or masking your pain, it's time to consider fundamental changes for the better in your relationship.
It's time to explore healthier ways of resolving conflicts or assess whether this relationship is worth investing in for improvement.
If you're reacting to your partner, you leave a wealth of healing potential on the table—for yourself and the relationship. Let's explore seven conscious ways to nurture a healthier connection:
Ways to Create a More Conscious Relationship
1. Identify Emotional Triggers: Reflect on what actions or words from your partner trigger emotional reactions. These triggers often stem from unmet emotional needs. Keep a journal to record these specific triggers.
2. Explore Trigger Origins: Dive deeper into the roots of your triggers. Understanding when and how these triggers developed can lead to profound healing. Sometimes, it's not just about past wounds but also unmet needs.
3. Embrace Your Pain: Give yourself permission to feel the pain or hurt without judgment. Avoiding or masking emotions is a form of self-abandonment. Now is your opportunity to be present for yourself.
4. Address Your Needs: Identify the specific needs from your emotional experiences. Define these needs using the S.M.A.R.T. goal-setting tool (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound).
5. Open a Dialogue: Request a conversation with your partner to discuss your experiences and needs more clearly. Create a safe space for open communication.
6. Maintain Focus and Compassion: Stay committed to being witnessed and held in your experience, regardless of how your partner's actions trigger you. Approach these conversations with calmness and unwavering determination.
7. Practice Gratitude: Appreciate your partner for their time and willingness to engage in these discussions. Please encourage them to share their experiences and adopt a curious listener mindset.
In the intricate dance of relationships, it's crucial to remember that conscious connection is not about being right; it's about being united. Understanding and addressing our emotional triggers can pave the way for healing, growth, and a deeper bond with our partners. So, let us embark on this journey toward conscious connection, where both partners are honored, valued, and respected and where love can truly thrive.
For those seeking to dive even deeper into the art of self-discovery and conscious connection, I'm excited to announce that registration for the upcoming "Autumn Alchemy Retreat" is officially open. This transformative retreat offers women a unique opportunity to explore and enhance their relationships in a nurturing and supportive environment. And here's the best part - there's an early bird special for those who register now. Take advantage of this chance to invest in yourself and your relationship journey. Join us at the Autumn Alchemy Retreat and experience the magic of transformation.