Explore The Secrets To Thriving Within Your Relationship

We’ve all been there. “Ugh!”  “You jerk!”  “I can’t believe she just said that!”  “Why do you always have to be so difficult?” Those are the kinds of things I’ve said when anger took over. If you’re honest, you’ve probably said something similar when frustration boiled up. Here’s the truth, anger is a normal emotion. But it isn’t always the enemy. In fact, anger can be surprisingly useful. I’ve come to see anger as an alarm.  And like any alarm, its job is to alert us that something important needs attention. Anger: Tool or Weapon? An alarm doesn’t cause the fire; it signals the danger. Anger works the same way. When you use it as a tool , anger can help you identify unmet emotional needs, speak more clearly, and strengthen your relationships. When you use it as a weapon , anger can cause lasting harm. It can damage relationships, and if you turn it inward, it can create guilt, self-criticism, even depression and health issues. The difference is in how you respond to it. Step 1: Pause and Listen to the Alarm When anger flares, most of us react right away. That usually leads to words or actions we regret later. Instead, take a breath and ask yourself, “What is my anger trying to tell me?” Imagine your boss interrupts you in a meeting. You feel the heat rise in your chest. On the surface, you’re upset about being cut off. But if you look deeper, your anger may be pointing to something else--a need to feel respected and heard. Step 2: Flip the Feeling into a Need Anger is often a surface emotion. Underneath it are other feelings like hurt, fear, or disappointment. These emotions help you uncover what you truly need. Feeling disrespected might mean you need respect. Feeling ignored might mean you need to be heard. Feeling controlled might mean you need autonomy. Once you identify the need, you can respond more thoughtfully instead of reacting in frustration. Step 3: Own Your Power and Set Boundaries Here’s something important to remember: You cannot control other people. You can only control how you show up and what you choose to allow. That’s where boundaries come in. Communicating your needs clearly and calmly increases the chance that others will understand you. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me!”  try, “Hey, when I get interrupted, I feel dismissed. I’d appreciate being able to finish my thought.” It’s simple, respectful, and far more effective. Step 4: Channel Anger into Action Anger carries a lot of energy. That energy can destroy, but it can also drive positive change if you direct it wisely. You might channel it into: Having the honest conversation, you’ve been avoiding Journaling your thoughts to gain clarity Moving your body through exercise or a walk Taking action on something you’ve been putting off When anger becomes fuel, it no longer controls you. You control it. Final Thoughts Anger is not your enemy. It’s a messenger. An alarm. The next time your blood starts to boil, don’t shut it down or explode outward. Instead: Pause and listen. Look beneath the anger to find the real need. Set clear boundaries. Channel the energy into something constructive. When you do, anger shifts from being destructive to being deeply constructive. It becomes a tool that strengthens your relationships—and most importantly, your relationship with yourself. So, the next time anger rings the alarm, ask yourself: Will I answer wisely?

Marriage can be hard. We can become consumed by a litany of issues that keep the two of you more disconnected than connected. There are disagreements, defensiveness, explanations, justifications, attacks, and shutdowns. All of these reactions can become part of a vicious loop—each of you reacting from self-protection rather than connection. Sometimes it's not so bad. However, the pattern often picks back up again. Over time, the unresolved pain adds up—and so does the resentment. Until one day, it feels impossible to move back toward connection. And at least one person is emotionally out the door. As a therapist, I've been seeing more of this in the past few years than in the two decades before. Couples wait. They wait until the conflict is unbearable. They wait until one partner has mentally checked out. They wait until the hurt is so deep, the distance so wide, that hope feels like a lie. And when they finally come in, it's often with one partner desperate to save the relationship—and the other already halfway gone. Why do people wait so long? Research tells us this isn't uncommon. According to Dr. John Gottman, couples typically wait an average of six years  from the onset of serious relationship problems before seeking help (Gottman & Gottman, 2015). By that time, negative patterns are deeply ingrained, and the emotional bank account is often depleted. Sometimes, both people want to try, even if they're not hopeful. And that's a couple I can help. But other times, one person is just going through the motions—like they're dropping their partner off at therapy while emotionally checking out. They might want to say they tried. However, without each person being willing to do their part—to reflect on how they got here, take ownership of their role, and begin healing the relational wounds—the chances of proper repair diminish greatly. A 2011 meta-analysis on couples therapy outcomes found that mutual commitment and motivation to change  are key predictors of successful treatment (Lebow et al., 2012). I've lived through relationship breakdown myself. It's why I'm so passionate about helping couples stop the slow slide toward disconnection. I know firsthand how painful it is to feel like repair is out of reach—and what can happen when help doesn't come in time. So here's my advice: Don't wait until it's too late. Start addressing the patterns in your relationship before they become your new normal. Learn how you each cope with stress, how those strategies clash, and what actually helps restore connection instead of widening the gap. When we're reactive, we go into self-protective mode—and in that space, we lose access to empathy, curiosity, and vulnerability. But vulnerability is essential for connection  (Brown, 2012). When we stay armored, we stay alone. Suggestions for Couples Learn your pattern  Identify your reactive cycle. Do you shut down while your partner pursues? Do you both escalate? Naming it is step one. Own your part Stop blaming. Get clear about your needs and learn to communicate them calmly and consistently. Understand your insecurities Your attachment wounds and protective strategies are likely fueling the loop. Get curious—not judgmental—about them. Mind your wounds—and your partner's Emotional safety is a shared responsibility. Respect each other's triggers without weaponizing them. Have the hard conversations—regularly Avoidance creates distance. Brave, consistent dialogue builds trust. Invest in your relational skillset  Learn to repair after conflict, practice emotional attunement, and build rituals of connection. The strongest relationships are not conflict-free—they're resilient . If this resonates, I'd love to send you my free guide: The Relationship Reset Framework — Love Reset Guide: 3 Shifts to Reignite: Emotional Intimacy and Reconnect with Your Partner .  Click [ Here ] and get your free copy. You don't have to do this alone. But don't wait until you believe it's already too late. References Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2015). 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy . W. W. Norton & Company. Lebow, J., Chambers, A., Christensen, A., & Johnson, S. M. (2012). Research on the treatment of couple distress. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 38 (1), 145–168. Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead . Gotham Books.

Hitting a wall in your marriage Have you ever found yourself having the same argument with your partner over and over again—only to walk away feeling even more frustrated, disconnected, and hopeless? You’re not alone. Many couples get stuck in repetitive patterns that never seem to resolve the deeper issues. You try to fix things. You read the books, go on the date nights, maybe even talk to a therapist… but nothing truly changes. And when those efforts don’t bring lasting relief, resentment builds, and the gap between you grows wider. From my perspective as a marriage therapist, one of the biggest reasons couples remain stuck is this: They’re not actually addressing the core issue. They’ve drifted so far from the heart of the problem that they can’t even name it anymore. Instead, they fight about surface-level things, rehashing the same frustrations, all while missing the real needs underneath. And without recognizing those deeper needs—and learning how to meet them together—healing remains out of reach. The Ego Is Running the Show When couples are locked in this cycle, it’s usually not their highest, most loving selves communicating. It’s their egos. The ego is the part of you that shows up to protect the “I” in the relationship. It’s not interested in connection, compassion, or emotional intelligence—it’s interested in survival. So it guards, deflects, blames, and fights. The ego says, “Me first.”  It rejects relational wisdom in favor of control, defensiveness, and self-preservation. But here's the truth: You cannot thrive and survive at the same time. How We Get Stuck Let’s break it down: You bring up something that’s bothering you. Maybe you say it with frustration or blame: "You never listen." "You’re always on your phone." "You don’t care about how I feel." The moment your partner hears “You…”, their alarm system goes off. Their insecurities get triggered. And what shows up? A defensive, protective version of them. One that’s guarded, dismissive, or distant. This triggers your own defenses. Your need to feel seen and supported isn’t met, so you  put on your armor too. And just like that, you’re both stuck in your well-worn coping strategies, spinning in a cycle of protect-and-defend. What’s Really Happening Neither of you are in a relational stance —you’re in a protective stance . And when you’re both in protection mode, there’s no space for empathy, curiosity, or repair. You become rigid in your positions. You see the world in black and white. You stop listening and start assuming. To reconnect and truly resolve a conflict, vulnerability must lead the way. That means taking off the armor. Laying down the weapons. Letting your partner in , even when it's uncomfortable. Especially then. Why Solutions Don’t Stick Most couples try to jump to solutions too quickly. But when there’s no emotional attunement—no true seeing and feeling  of each other’s inner world—those solutions fall flat. They become hollow promises or checklist behaviors. You might “do the thing” your partner asked, but without any heartfelt connection to why  it matters to them… it doesn’t last. Real change only happens when it’s fueled by love, empathy, and understanding—not by obligation or pressure. So What Can You Do Instead? Next time you're in conflict, try this: Pause  before rushing into problem-solving. Listen  with the intention to understand , not defend. Reflect back  what your partner is sharing. Show them you’re truly hearing them through eye contact, body language, and mirroring their words. Keep your own experience to yourself —for now. This moment is about them. Validate and empathize . Make space for their truth, even if it’s hard to hear. Ask how you can support or repair  once they feel fully heard. This creates the emotional safety needed for real solutions to emerge. Not just fixes—but meaningful, lasting change rooted in mutual care. Ready to Reset Your Connection? If you’re tired of circling the same fights and craving more peace, intimacy, and understanding, I invite you to take the next step: 🔹 Schedule a FREE Get to Know Me Call   – Let’s talk about how I can support you and your partner in breaking toxic cycles and returning to love. 🔹 Download the FREE Love Reset Guide  – Learn 3 guided shifts to move from conflict back to connection—without hours of therapy or talking in circles. You don’t have to keep surviving in your relationship. You can thrive. And it starts with one small shift—toward empathy, toward truth, and ultimately… back to love.

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Dive into our FAQs to gain essential insights on lasting love. Find answers to your questions and uncover the secrets to building enduring and fulfilling relationships. INTERVIEW WITH CARI... Dive In, Gain Valuable Knowledge , And Unlock The Secrets To Fostering Lasting Love. Are you ready to INVEST in you? Grab your copy of this FREE path to relationship transformation guide. GRAB YOURS TODAY! Who are your clients exactly? My clients are successful, strong women in long-term relationships facing persistent problems they're unsure how to solve. Despite their achievements, they're at a pivotal moment where they sense that their well-being, identity, and happiness are all on the line. I focus on the idea that their journey is broader than their relationships, and I help them realize that nobody is inherently skilled at relationships. By addressing these challenges head-on, they ignite a transformative process that positively impacts all areas of their lives. What is a Gathering? A gathering is an opportunity for the women that want guidance and a safe space to connect with their authentic self. The women that attend the gathering may or may not have participated in a women’s/Sister circle before but are curious. Each gathering has a theme for the women to explore and process together. I incorporate spiritual practices that are non-religious and free from divination into the experience with rituals and ceremony as part of the experience. All the themes are opportunities to deepen your understanding of yourself, connect with the divine feminine and create more harmony in your relationship within and with others. There is no commitment to the circles and you can attend as many as you like and bring a friend(s). Each circle will be different and you may or may not see familiar faces among the women. What is the difference between your Gatherings and Circles? The distinction lies in the level of commitment and investment required. Circle programs are designed for individuals seeking a more profound engagement. These are tailored for those who wish to delve further into themes previously explored during gatherings, who seek consistent interactions with the same group to foster stronger bonds of support, and who are intrigued by cyclical living concepts. The Circle program entails a commitment of either 6 months or 1 year, featuring monthly meetings and calls. It's designed for those who are prepared for a more immersive experience within a small, dedicated group, embarking on a shared journey of depth and growth. What results can I expect? Participating in all of my services – from gatherings to circle programs and retreats – promises a bundle of positive outcomes that shape both your individual growth and your intimate relationships. Imagine gaining a deeper insight into your body's natural rhythms and emotions, leading to improved self-care, better productivity, and a balanced sense of well-being that extends to every facet of your life. This heightened awareness guides your decision-making, making you more adaptable and resilient in navigating life's twists and turns. But it's not just about you; it's about how these practices enhance your relationships. Envision better communication with your partner, where you understand each other's energy levels and emotional states, leading to more meaningful conversations at just the right times. The shared journey through gatherings, circle programs, and retreats amplifies your connection, creating quality time and mutual support that deepens your bond. Conflict resolution takes on an empathetic tone, and your holistic well-being benefits from this comprehensive approach. When you engage in this rhythmic experience across all my services, you're investing in a richer personal journey and elevating the harmony, connection, and fulfillment in your relationships. Where are sessions held? I provide the flexibility of both virtual and in-person events to cater to your preferences and convenience. To stay updated on upcoming events and opportunities, I recommend subscribing to my weekly newsletter. This way, you'll be the first to know about the latest offerings and stay connected with our community. Crafting a secure and nurturing atmosphere is a fundamental pillar of my approach in both gatherings and circles. Drawing from my extensive experience as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I am dedicated to fostering an environment where participants can openly share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. I establish clear guidelines that prioritize confidentiality, ensuring that each person's words are held with utmost respect and privacy. What exactly do you work on with clients? My role is to help them see that it's not too late, they are in control of their destinies, and they are entirely deserving of their dreams. I draw a parallel between their journey and the process of crystallization that forms a diamond. Just as pressure and heat lead to the emergence of the diamond's beauty, their relationship challenges can serve as the catalyst for their own personal growth and self-discovery. Through my expertise and experience, I guide these women to recognize that relationships are mirrors reflecting our inner selves. I provide a safe space for them to explore their vulnerabilities, tap into their authenticity, and reconnect with their true essence. I help them understand that it's not about blaming their partners, but about embracing their own role in the relationship dynamic. Do you provide therapy for your clients? In this context, the answer is No. I primarily serve as a guide, offering guidance and coaching to individuals who attend my events (gatherings, circles, or retreats). Although I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in New York State with a background in mental health, my role during these events is to provide guidance and coaching rather than therapy. It's important to note that therapy is a distinct practice, and I offer it separately only to those who have been referred to me. If, during our time together, it becomes clear that therapy would be beneficial, I will gladly provide a referral to a qualified therapist or mental health professional. However, within this context, I do not offer therapy services. What exactly is Cyclical Living? Cyclical living refers to synchronizing your lifestyle with the innate rhythms of life. It involves adapting routines, self-care practices, and decision-making strategies to align with natural cycles. This could include tailoring activities to your menstrual phases, adjusting habits with changing seasons, recognizing daily energy fluctuations for optimal productivity, and even aligning intentions with moon phases. By embracing cyclical living, you harmonize your life with the flow of nature, enhancing well-being and balance in various aspects of your daily experience. How do you ensure a safe and supportive environment in your gatherings and circles? Central to this safe space is a commitment to inclusivity and acceptance. Regardless of background or beliefs, every participant is welcomed and valued. I promote active listening and open dialogue, allowing for diverse perspectives to flourish harmoniously. Integrating spiritual practices that are non religious and void of divination, I provide tools for personal growth that resonate with each individual's unique journey. Ultimately, my goal is to create an arena for authentic self-exploration, intuition cultivation, and the forging of meaningful connections among participants who share a similar path of growth and self-discovery. How can I get started with your services? You can begin your transformative journey by attending one of my gatherings, where you'll have the chance to experience the supportive and growth-focused environment I offer. These gatherings are designed to provide insight, connection, and tools for self-discovery. From there, you can explore my circle programs, which offer a deeper and more immersive experience with consistent interactions and cyclical living exploration. And for those seeking a profound seasonal transformation, consider joining one of my seasonal retreats, where you'll embark on a soul-enriching journey to connect with your true essence amidst the beauty of nature.

Discover the power of relationship coaching with www.carisans.com. Transform your relationships and find lasting happiness. Get started today! HEALING IN COMMUNITY Where shared support accelerates your journey toward self-discovery and transformation. In a world where individual paths can sometimes lead to isolation, we invite you to step into a sanctuary of connection and shared growth as we learn return to love as a community and create relationships built on love and connection.. Welcome to our nurturing space, where stories are woven into journeys, and the community catalyzes profound transformation. EMBRACE THE POWER OF SHARED HEALING At our core, we believe in the strength of collective healing. In a place where authenticity flourishes and vulnerability is celebrated, we come together to nurture ourselves and each other. Your journey becomes our journey; through shared experiences, we find the threads that weave us together. PROGRAMS RETREATS GATHERINGS Offerings CULTIVATING THE FOUNDATION Relationship with Self We believe profoundly that the most important relationship is the one with yourself. Nurturing a stronger relationship with yourself is the cornerstone of building successful relationships with others and all areas of your life. As we gather in community, we seek to foster external connections and an inward connection that fuels your overall well-being. AN UNVEILING OF POSSIBILITIES Imagine Immersing Yourself Being in a community of understanding, where compassionate glances and kindred stories lay the foundation for deep connections. Our gatherings, circles, and retreats are carefully crafted to illuminate your path toward self-discovery and relationship transformation. With the support of our community, every step becomes a leap toward your most authentic self so you get to show up in your life and relationships more powerfully and fulfilled. WANT TO JOIN A GATHERING? Follow the link below to receive email updates for exclusive gatherings. ACCESS OUR CALENDAR READY TO EXPERIENCE CHANGE? Your Transformative Journey Begins Here Whether you seek solace in healing, a nurturing community to belong to, or the tools to embark on a transformational odyssey, your search ends here. Embrace the power of 'Healing in Community,' where shared support propels your voyage towards self-discovery and lasting change. A SANCTUARY OF ACCEPTANCE AND GROWTH Nurturing and Support You'll discover an atmosphere of acceptance, vulnerability, and growth within our haven. We are committed to holding space for you as you explore, express, and evolve. By nurturing your inner growth, you'll find that your relationships naturally shift towards authenticity and health. CULTIVATING THE FOUNDATION Relationship with Self We believe profoundly that the most important relationship is the one with yourself. Nurturing a stronger relationship with yourself is the cornerstone of building successful relationships with others and all areas of your life. As we gather in community, we seek to foster external connections and an inward connection that fuels your overall well-being. AN UNVEILING OF POSSIBILITIES Imagine Immersing Yourself Being in a sisterhood of understanding, where compassionate glances and kindred stories lay the foundation for deep connections. Our gatherings, circles, and retreats are carefully crafted to illuminate your path toward self-discovery and transformation. With the support of our community, every step becomes a leap toward your most authentic self. JOIN OUR COLLECTIVE Ready to experience the profound beauty of collective healing? Join our community and embark on your transformative journey. Together, we celebrate the authenticity that blooms within each of us, fostering growth and igniting positive change. Your path to self-discovery and transformation starts now. EXPLORE OUR OFFERINGS "After my divorce, I had difficulty communicating my feelings and trusting myself with relationship choices. My negative, fear-based thoughts lead to stress and anxiety. I felt comfortable with Cari and sharing the details of the challenges I was facing. With her support, I was able to identify negative thought patterns and communicate my needs by setting healthy boundaries with my partner. I was provided strategies, as well as several resources that lead me to open up to receiving love. I am now able to recognize my thoughts and communicate them with my partner before letting them take over. I feel so much more confident in myself and my relationship and now have peace of mind. I’m excited to experience the continual growth of my relationship." Jennifer, 41 years old Lead Magnet FREE LOVE RESET GUIDE 3 Shifts to Ignite Emotional Intimacy and Reconnect with Your Partner Grab your FREE copy of the guide and empower yourself to be the change. GRAB YOUR GUIDE