• Cari Sans, Coach & Therapist

Getting the right support can help you reach your desired life & relationships.


I was trying. I really was. In my mind I wanted to complete the task but there was another part of me that was sending all kinds of defeating messages. “This is too hard. This is crazy. How did I get myself into this? What if I can’t do it? Maybe I should just give up now.” If I continued to think this way, I would never have been successful at what I was trying to accomplish.

How often have you done this to yourself, too?

It is a trap you push yourself into. Yes, you. You send messages to yourself that try to defeat you. Often this is out of a fear. Fear you are not good enough. Fear that you will fail. Fear that you will be unloved/unaccepted. Limiting beliefs can bring us down and in need of support, guidance and encouragement. (See more on limiting beliefs here).

I did end up accomplishing the task at hand.

There are a number of strategies I could have used to do it.

What happened for me that day is that I was coached--by my husband.

Yep, my husband supported, guided and encouraged me the entire time we biked up that path.

We all need a coach in our lives at some point. Maybe it is a professional coach but maybe it is a friend, a mentor, a trusted provider or a book. Whomever or whatever it is that you choose, the foremost important thing is that you first make a decision that you want to accomplish something and establish your desired outcome. Getting clear about what you want is essential and without it you will waffle in your decisions.

Is it a better relationship with your spouse/partner/child? Is it to get a better handle on your child's behavior? Is it a more balanced and healthy family life? You decide that it is time for a change.

Once you have established what you desire, determine how you will get there. You need a plan in place to reach your destination. Would you drive across country without a road map (or your navigator set up)? Most likely not. You want to have direction so that you can stay on your path and reach your destination.

Begin now by writing down the very specific things you will need to do as part of your plan. Do it now! Remember, it is important to start taking action immediately so that you don’t lose the motivation. Once you have the specific actions cleared up, look over these actions and decide what you need help with.

Who could you enlist to help you accomplish what you desire? Do you need to learn something new? From who or what? Is it a book or a program? Does it mean taking a class or talking with someone who has accomplished or has what you want? Do you need to make an investment? How will you do this and will you need help? These are the types of questions you can ask yourself to help determine the kind of support you need.

There are so many ways to look at support and get it, and you must be willing to reach out for it and to accept it when it is given. Once you determine the kind of support that best meets your need, take the initiative to get it and set yourself up to achieve what it is you desire. Sometimes support just comes to us when we don’t even ask for it, like when I was biking up the path and I could hear my husband speaking to me. Accepting his support allowed me to defeat my limiting beliefs and accomplish what I set out to do that morning. I can assure you that it felt great in the end. Best wishes!


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