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  • Cari Sans, Coach & Therapist

Just when you want to give up...don't!


There are times when you may want to give up on something. Maybe it is a project, a new behavior, a strategy with your kids, your job/business, a relationship or even your life. Giving up on your life is a major issue that needs to be addressed immediately. Please call someone you can talk to or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Phone Number at 1-800-273-8255 (a suicide hotline). Having someone to talk to at this time is critical. Your situation may not be that serious but it is important to address and feelings of defeat.

When a person feels like giving up, they have lost hope that there are other options for dealing with their situation. When we feel there are no options, we are stuck. It is during this time when we might tap into our most negative beliefs. “You can’t do this.” “It is never going to work.” “This is too stressful.”

I know you desire some kind of change in your life. Most of us want our lives, relationships, family, etc.… to be at its best. So, we consider change. Although we want it, we are not always prepared to deal with challenges that arise. Change can bring all kinds of stress but when we can move through it, over it, around it, whichever works for you, we can learn and grow from it.

What can you learn from this experience?

Ahh…the key question. This is a good question to ask yourself during anytime of change. For example, in the case of my computer, I learned that I need to back-up my data regularly and also to keep my computer in a safe place—away from little hands.

Maybe you are trying to implement a new rule, routine, or chore with your kids. Part of what I am currently focusing on in my own parenting role is having more compassion when my kids are displaying difficult behaviors. There was one particular day that I was struggling and I was trying to understand how that day was so different from so many other days. When I asked myself the key question of what I can learn, rather than beating myself up, my answer was more self-care and sleep. I learned that I am a person that requires a reasonable amount of sleep. Not so easy when you have three young children, but I do know that I can get myself to bed earlier in the evenings to help offset night waking and early rising from one of the kids.

Flexibility

I was recently talking with a colleague and he was impressed with the calmness I was displaying despite all the issues that had recently come up. I believe that this is a result of stretching my flexibility muscle, daily. Yes, daily! I talk to myself about being more flexible every single day. For me this is about being present in the moment and dealing with things as they come. Being willing to flex yourself as situations arise.

If you can stretch yourself to look at all the possibilities for moving forward you will not feel defeated. What else can you do? Who can help? What resources do you need? What do you have to do to put this resource to use?

Again…ask yourself quality questions.

Think about a situation where you could learn to be more flexible. Is it around implementing a new rule or routine with the kids. The parents that I work with will often attempt to try new ways of dealing with their child’s behavior which is not always met well by the child. That feeling of defeat can creep in especially when that child tantrums.

Don’t give up!

I will suggest with clients to hold their ground but do so in a firm and kind manner. This can be true of any situation. If it is a change in your relationship you seek and you are not seeing the results you hoped for. Flex yourself! What else can you do? Who can help you with this? What can I learn from this?

If you are a couple, you can always have a plan to revisit and evaluate any change you are trying to implement in your relationship, family or home. Plan to try something for 2 weeks and then come back and evaluate how things are going and what else can be done.

Be firm and kind to yourself. About 8 weeks ago I committed myself to exercising 5 days a week in the early mornings. By the second week I was doubting whether I could do it because I was so tired when I woke up, but I had a plan and I am still doing it. I stayed firm and kind with myself, which motivated me but also provided the kindness I needed to be flexible when I needed to be.

We all go through times when we question whether something we are trying to create is worth it. We doubt ourselves or it. Giving up may become an option, but it does not have to be. Maybe it is just a case of needing more options for reaching your goal. So, just when you are about to give up…don’t. Ask yourself good questions and be flexible so that you have more than one or two ways of getting what it is you desire. Best wishes!


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