Search
  • Cari Sans, Coach & Therapist

One of the biggest reasons you may not be getting the change you desire.


I went to bed and made a decision that I would wake up the next day and put on a smile more often than not throughout the day. That I would think of things that bring me joy, and move in a way that made me happy. I planned to play with the kids more, dance, and sing with them. This was my plan. For the most part, my plan was successful. The day was much better than the day before. But I know, that each day will change and that in order for this to turn into a new habit each day moving forward, my reason for wanting it so badly had to be really clear.

I had to know my WHY.

In the past, you may have committed yourself to changing something in your life. Whether it was something as a parent, like myself, something in your love relationship, work, or health, and you told yourself something needed to give. You promised yourself that night in bed that things would be different in the morning.

You may have gotten up that next morning and went at it with true desire and motivation. You may have awakened to the same pattern that preceded and nothing really changed but maybe a new commitment that you would try again tomorrow.

You may have been clear about what you did not want in your life anymore. No more fights. No more weight gain. No more anxiety. No more yelling. Whatever it is…you certainly do not want it anymore.

This is part of the problem. Being clear about what you don’t want is not even remotely as strong of a motivator as being clear about what you DO want.

This brings me back to knowing your why.

Why do you want this change? Why do need things to be different? How will this change your life and others around? What could come from this change? How will this change effect your future decisions? Write it down. Really go deep and write. Journal all your ideas so that you can see and read why this is so important to you. More importantly, so that you can begin to imagine this happening to you and the ripple effect of making the change.

Some days the change can be hard. As a person with a strong desire to grow, I find myself frustrated when I know I need to push through my own limitations that keep me from doing exactly that—growing. There are days when my kids seem impossible to deal with and my strong desire to deal with them from a place of love and compassion is challenged to the max. There are days when I don’t want to be loving and kind to my husband. These days are when I need to really tap into my “WHY” and ground myself so that I can continue to move forward.

Grounding may mean adding some self-care, taking a break and just reconnecting with youself. This allows you to go back in and focus again on what it is you desire and more importantly…the reason you want it so bad. You can then go back and be the change you want to bring to your life and relationships.

Do you want to be the change and keep it going? Here are some tips to get you started….

· Get clear on your “why.”

· Imagine your life with this change.

· Write down your “why.”

· Review your “why” daily (even multiple times if you need to—you be the judge).

· Connect with yourself. Give yourself love and kindness so that you can give it to others. Find daily rituals to help provide balance for yourself and reconnection to your desire.

· Find loving and kind support from others. You are not alone and there is no reason you should be. There are lots of ways to get support. Define what support would look like for you at the moment and then go get it.

Sometimes we need to slow down, take a breath and reconnect with ourselves in order to re-focus our direction. It is easy to fall into a stuck cycle and not see change happening when you are not focused on what it is you desire—your “why.” Don’t get trapped in this vicious cycle that leaves you feeling like you failed, in despair and discouraged. Focus on what you want and each day do something to remind you of your “why” and keep yourself going.


16 views
  • Instagram Social Icon
  • w-facebook

CONNECT​ WITH US:​​

  • w-youtube

TELEPHONE & ADDRESS

1-888-851-6575
Voicemail available 24/7
AdadddresA
P.O. Box 122
Washington Mills, NY 13479
 
Email
Cari@couplesandfamilies.com
Book Me: www.calendly.com/carisans
 

Copyright © 2015 Cari Sans, LMFT

Our philosophy, approach, and related materials are protected under intellectual property law.

Disclaimer and Conditions of Use   Privacy Policy