Explore The Secrets To Thriving Within Your Relationship

A hot topic these days is anger management. Most people would agree that they do not like to get angry or be around someone that is . Most people feel bad or guilty after they have been angry or expressed it in a negative form. Some choose to ignore their feelings and deny that anything is bothering them or that they have done anything wrong. Everyone has different ways of dealing with their anger, but everyone gets angry. There are effective and ineffective ways for expressing anger that will make a difference in a relationship. Having healthy emotional boundaries will help you to keep your cool in your relationships. Emotional boundaries are the protective wall that defines where you begin and end and another person begins and ends. They are limits established by owning your own thoughts, feelings, behaviors, values, and beliefs. When you are presented with a conflict, having healthy emotional boundaries will allow you to determine whether the issue is about you or the other person. You will be less likely to take the other persons approach as a personal attack and recognize that this person is experiencing the situation in their own way. When you can put the situation in perspective, your response will be non-threatening and more inviting to exploring what the other person is experiencing in an effort to understand and hear their needs. The other person will also be more open to understanding your experience and hearing your needs, the result--a greater understanding of each other and a cooler relationship. Building healthy emotional boundaries should be part of our everyday tasks. They are our means of protecting ourselves and our relationships from being hurt. If you would like to keep your relationships cool this summer, begin by creating safety. You can take the following steps with your child, spouse, or anyone you want to have a calmer relationship with. Step 1- Validate the Other When an issue arises or someone approaches you about something that is bothering them, put all your thoughts in feelings in a bag and put it to the side for a moment (don’t worry about it right yet, we will get to it). This creates safety and significance that they matter to you. Especially important with young kids! Listen curiously to the other person and try to understand their view. Listen and reflect back what you are hearing and check to make sure you are getting it all. Ask that person what it is that he or she needs and try to come up with a solution that will help that person and that you are willing to do. The other person will feel validated and their experience will be just that—their experience. You will not have to justify or explain yourself, but validate or acknowledge that this is how he or she is experiencing you. Their feelings are valid. You have now established the fact that the two of you are separate beings with your own thoughts and feelings. Step 2-Validate Your Experience Continue with this idea of being separate by acknowledging your own thoughts and feelings. Take that bag that contains your thoughts and feelings and ask the other person to hear you out. Start by letting the person know how you feel about them. Use “I” statements that look like this: “I feel ignored when you do not look at me when we talk.” Let the person know how you feel and what would be helpful. Invite that person to repeat the process and come up with a solution that they are willing to commit to. Step 3 Keep the Defenses Low When there is a potential threat in our lives, we tend to allow defense mechanisms to kick in. Our internal fight or flight mechanism is ignited and we either attack back or avoid. Whether you flee or stay and battle it out, both will trigger a defensive stance from the other. One person on the defense plus the other person on the defense means that both are feeling unsafe. Negative behaviors triggered such as blaming, name-calling, sarcasm, ignoring etc., will contribute to the relationship breakdown. Eliminate these negative behaviors so that the other person is less likely to attack leaving yourself in a safer position. Take responsibility for your own safety! These three steps will help you to create safety in your relationship and keep it from becoming heated. Establishing boundaries in your relationship acknowledges that each person is separate. It validates each person, leaving both to feel like they matter and less defensive or angry. Keep your relationship cool by implementing these three steps. The cooler you are the better able you will be at handling difficult situations. Watch your life and relationships grow as a result. Best Wishes!

Understanding our past can provide us with important information to propel us forward in our lives. It can be a source for learning about how we have come to make sense of things in our world and how all of our decisions have been influenced by what our mind believes happened to us. It is not that our experiences are not real. Your emotions around the past are real. They are your understanding of what happened and our emotions are what drive our decisions. We have all had situations that were not good growing up. I know this because every parent is perfectly imperfect. Of course some situations are worse than others, but as humans we all have the amazing ability to create a means to help us deal with any pain that has occurred. We create a survival skill. You have gained from having this survival skill. It has most likely helped you to be successful in many areas of your life, but often it does not help the most intimate relationships, those we need to be vulnerable in, to be connected to our core in order to have deep connections. These are the relationships we have with our spouse/partner, children or parents, mostly. So what, you ask? Well, consider for a moment what it is like to have to live your life in survival mode. It takes a lot of work. It creates tension. A protective shield is built. It is missing the core you. If who you really are is missing, how connected do you think you will be to those you love? You can’t be your highest and most authentic self in survival mode. You need to be vulnerable. Identify the Key Decision To unveil that core, begin by understanding how the layers developed. When you were young, you had an experience in which you made a decision about life—it became your world view. Whether this was, to not show vulnerability and seem weak, to not let anyone control your decisions and live freely, etc... The list can go on. Questions to ask yourself: What relationships were most important to you growing up? Whose love did you crave the most? Who did you have to be for that person? Who couldn’t you be? What key decision did you make early in your life? These questions can help you to identify what key decision you made early your life. How has this decision shaped your life in the past? In the present? Can you visualize the decisions you have made for yourself based on this key decision you made early in your life? Do not beat yourself up over this! You have benefited from this key decision and it was a gift that you gave yourself a long time ago. But, it may not be serving you anymore. Make a new decision Take a few deep breathes and with your hand on your heart look deep inside of yourself. Go to your heart and place of compassion. Thank yourself for providing you with this survival skill, for protecting you. Now tell yourself that you no longer need this. In this place of compassion and love for yourself, what new decision will you make today? How will you better serve yourself and others? It is from this elevated place that you can make a new decision that will inform how you make decisions moving forward. How can you impact others at a higher level? How will this new decision impact your marriage, your child, your life? How will these relationships be different? What impact will this have on their lives? How will this new decision continue to impact the lives of others? You have the power to change the way you view things. Your story may be one that has helped you to survive but has it helped you to have the life and relationships you truly desire? Thank yourself, have compassion and make new decisions every day that are from this elevated place. Take action on these new decisions immediately and see yourself and relationships grow. Best wishes!

From our very earliest memories we can learn much about what we have come to believe about ourselves, others and life. Our mind has many files inside, where every experience we have had, or not, stories we have heard, things we have seen, etc.…have been filed. From the information we have collected in a file, we create a belief. This belief, when we are certain and do not question the sources, guides our actions. How do you think someone that believes marriage should be easy, and naturally partners should get along if they love each other, would respond to couples therapy when things were not going as expected? Probably not be very open to the necessary effort required to work together. Our beliefs can limit what we are capable of as well as our relationships. There is a story I like to read to my son. It is about a monster that loses his mean. He frantically looks all over for it and is teased by his other monster friends. He feels alone and lost until one day he finds friends. He begins to have all these new experiences with these friends and questions whether he really needs his mean. One day when he runs into his old monster friends, they begin teasing him the way he was having fun and enjoying his friends, not being ”monster-like.” He starts to think they are right, he really is a monster and should act like one, so he tries to do mean things. It turns out he doesn’t have it in him and instead does something nice. One day his friends throw a surprise party in his honor and he realizes how lucky he is and how much he has gained. He no longer needed or wanted his mean. The monster believed for so long that he was mean and acted like a monster should act, doing mean things. There was no question about it, he was certain that he was a monster and that monsters are mean. It wasn’t until he had a new experience and began to question his old belief that things changed for him. We all do this. We all have beliefs that are so ingrained in us that we do not question the source. We do not challenge how valid this belief really is, yet we allow it to guide our actions every single day. Even when it is limiting our potential or the potential of a relationship. Guess what? You can change this. You have the freedom to question your beliefs. Create new beliefs that work for you. That move you forward. That empower you. Consider for a moment a belief you have about your spouse/significant other. How has this belief limited your view of this person? How has it informed the way you deal with this person? What are things you do or say? For example, if you believe your spouse is not as good of a parent as you are. How has this limited not only your view of your spouse, but how you respond to his/her efforts? Now, what is a belief you have about your child that may be limiting your view and interactions? A couple I worked with believed that their daughter was aggressive and in need of constant attention. This made their daily interactions quite overwhelming and often led to arguments. When this belief was questioned, the couple was able to come up with many examples of how loving their daughter was and how much she needed them to help her to handle her big emotions. They were able to see her best self and so when she became “needy” they were able to respond with love rather than anger and frustration. (I will share more another time a technique to help create this elevation.) Challenging the Limiting Belief What if you could see things about your spouse, your child or even yourself differently? I know you have experiences that give you reason to believe all these things, but let’s consider the possibility that things are not exactly what they seem. For so long early in my relationship with my husband I would get frustrated when he would lose a personal item, ask me where it was as he looked, and would keep asking until I got up and found it. It would be sitting right in front of his face and he would not see it. It would drive me nuts! Fast forward about 18 years and he still does this. I believed for so long that he just would not put any effort into looking for it and wanted me to do it. This was my belief. I started challenging that belief. I framed it in a much more palatable way by telling myself he is just looking so hard that he overlooked it. This helps me to see things, and respond, better. We can do this with any belief. Do you believe your child is just difficult? When is he not? What is different when he is good? Keep expanding on this vision. Make this your new source of reference for your child. See her as good and at times having some challenges that she needs help with. Believe that she is good. Your relationship will be a whole lot smoother. Practice this technique of questioning a limiting belief you have that is holding you back from making a personal change or a change in your relationships. Once you start to break it down with questions, find new references and expand on it. See things differently and change will flow. Best wishes! #relationships #parenting #limitingbeliefs #lifecoach

You know you need to make changes or do something but you just don’t do it. Why? Why do you put off committing to making that thing happen? Why do you continue to lay in bed at night telling yourself that tomorrow will be different? It is simple, really. You are linking what you have to do with pain. It feels more painful for you to do that something than it does to just keep putting it off. What if you linked more pain to not taking action? How would you feel if you did not change today? If your relationship/marriage did not change? What would happen to this relationship? How do you see things 3 months, 1 Year, or even 5 years from now if things do not change? What about parenting your children? What do you want to be different in your home? If things don’t change, how do you see this impacting your child? Your relationship with your child? Your family's life? Maybe you have been wanting to take off some extra weight or change jobs. Again, if you don’t do what you know you should do, what will be the consequences? When I worked in addiction programs, clients would always talk about “hitting rock bottom.” That was the turning point when they said or just realized, “enough is enough.” It was at this point, many would commit to making the necessary changes and taking action towards a full recovery. Is this what you need to happen in order to take action? Do you really want to wait until you hit that bottom point? It is so much harder to work from the bottom up. This is a very challenging place to work from. Why allow it to get to that point? I know I am not talking to you about addictions, or maybe I am, but you get the point. Make Painful Actions Pleasurable What if you focused on building trust back in your relationships? What if you focused on being the parent you know you want to be? Whatever it is, emotionally you need to feel that shift of pain to pleasure. Consider your current situation, relationship, etc.… whatever it is that you want to change. On a scale of 0-10, 10 being completely unbearable and 0 being not a problem at all, how would you rate the pain you associate with your current situation? Now let’s compare it to the pain you associate to the changes you know you should be making. Again, using that same scale, what is the level of pain? You may find that there is a big difference between the two but there may not be. Either way, connecting that pain to even greater pain and turning unpleasant or dreaded actions into pleasurable ones is key. We will refer back to this scale later to help move you. “The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you.” –Anthony Robbins. What if you the pain of not changing was so much greater than the pain of doing what you needed to do today to change? Would you change? Here are two steps to help you get started in correctly linking pain and pleasure so you can take control of your life: Create Massive Pain Now let’s look at where you are stuck and make it even more painful, you do not want to even stay there anymore. Go back to the number on the scale for how much pain you would feel from not changing. Got it? Multiply that number by 10 and imagine what life will be like. If this is a change needed in your marriage. What would happen if things got so bad and divorce was on the line? What would life be like if you divorced? How would finances be handled? How would the kids be impacted? Whatever your situation, imagine it so much greater than what you initially rated it and create massive pain. Link new behavior to pleasure If the pleasure in new behaviors was so great, it would outweigh the negative. Identify the behaviors or action you need to take to make the change. Find a positive in each one. Go through the list of actions you know you need to make and put a positive spin on them. How can you connect them to something positive? Maybe a past experience you had or a movie you saw. Remember the positive feeling and then think about what you need to do now. Repeat and follow through. Repeat and follow through. The more repetitively you experience a positive emotion linked to the new action, the more likely you will find pleasure and continue to do it. For example, you may link pain or displeasure with going to the gym regularly. The first day you go and you feel more energy.. You feel good. The next day you feel the same and the next, but by the end of the week you feel exhausted and start to think, "I don't like this." Then you step on the scale and you notice you lost 3 lbs. That feels good. So you go back again, you keep doing it and the results bring you pleasure. You may need to experience some short term pain in order to gain, and after doing it repetitively you will find it pleasurable. There may be days which you will need to push through but remember the massive pain you will feel if you do not. This will far outweigh the pain of the moment. Change what you link pain and pleasure to and watch how you shape your life. Who is going to be more successful at losing weight, the person who links pleasure with eating healthy and exercise, or to eating food and watching television? You decide today what you want to be different in your life. It starts with a decision and then action is needed, daily, to help you move forward. Use the tools for linking pain and pleasure accurately to help you take control of your life and situation. Feel empowered!

Today is the day. Today is the day for you to make a new decision about your life. You have been wanting things to be different. You keep telling yourself they will be. So why haven’t things changed? You are not making the right decisions in your life. You believe the choices available to you are all that you have. Either this or that. Your belief system is limiting the options available and therefore limiting your choices. Many folks just ride out life watching and reacting to what happens to them. Are you one of these people? It happens, but you no longer have to ride it out. You can be the driver of your life and motivate yourself in directions you only imagined. Use your imagination. Let’s take a look at 5 years from today. Sit back for a moment and close your eyes. Can you picture yourself 5 years from now? What are you doing? Where are you? Who is with you? What are the emotions? Now let’s stretch out another 5 years later and visualize your life 10 years from now. What are you doing? Where are you? Who is with you? What are the emotions? A decade can fly by and before you know it, you will be looking back and realizing nothing changed. But, NOT this time. Now from 5 years you, look back to today and visualize yourself taking all this in. What decision did you make today? What commitments did you make? What did you do each day that followed that got you to that you in 5 years? Who helped? What did you learn? Now make a conscious decision about what you want in your life. Better relationships. Become a more conscious parent. Make more money. Lose weight. Get a new job or leave the one you are in. You decide is what is key. Be in control of your life rather than allowing things to just happen. Excuses are just you reacting to bumps in life. Take your life by the reins and direct where you want to go. Start by making a commitment to some new behavior, emotions or thinking. Whatever it takes to keep you focused. Create a plan and stick to it each day. If you are offered a choice, consider whether it is in alignment with what you want and choose wisely. Every day you need to make decisions but choose based on what it is you are moving towards so that your actions are congruent to what you value. Saddle up and direct your travels so you do not stand by watching your life take shape. Shape it! Best wishes.

One of our basic human needs is to feel safe and secure. This need for certainty drives our behaviors. We do whatever it takes to meet this need on a daily basis. Sometimes the vehicles we use to meet this need are not always positive. As a parent and a spouse, I know sometimes life can get a bit chaotic. This inconsistency, although may be welcomed by some, generally causes stress. You will find a way to reduce this stress. We are very creative creatures and even if we do it unconsciously, we will meet this need. What do you do when you need to feel comfortable? In control? Certain? Many moms that I hear from talk about how they feel bad when they yell at their kids or get frustrated. You may do this yourself, or find that you react in your marriage in ways that you know are not right, but do it anyways out of that lack of certainty. So why do you react like this? Often it is out of a need for certainty. You probably have an agenda in your mind (the need for things to happen in a certain way or how they will happen), but the other person/child does not have that same agenda. Your child is in their physical body and doing what feels good to them, not usually thinking. So, they are not in the mindset like you, needing to get to the store before it gets too late and everyone cooperating. (Read more here about what is happening for your child and how to connect for cooperation). You want things done a certain way, you have a schedule or routine, and you want others (a.k.a., children and spouse) to cooperate. You are focused, consciously or not, about meeting your own need for certainty. When parenting from this place, it becomes difficult to focus on what your child (or even your spouse) needs and come from a place of love. This is one certain way to create friction with your child or spouse. Is this the kind of certainty you want to create for yourself? I don’t think so. Be Love When you come from a place of love, you are acting from a higher place. This is authentic to who you are and want to be. It is love. When you give it, you get it even when the other person is not giving it back, because when giving love you feel love. Cool, right? It really is that simple. But here are some helpful steps to shift you from frustration to love: Slow down. Minimize how much you have to do in a given day. Simplify your life and your family's so there is less stress around doing things, getting things done, money, etc.… Be kind to self and acknowledge that you are needing to feel certain at the moment (sometimes this step alone can provide a sense of relief). Consider what you might be needing in your life to help meet your need for certainty in a positive way. Don’t get stuck here or overindulge in thoughts on this because you need to shift your behavior in the moment with family. You can always take time for yourself to process this more later, and put a plan in place for yourself to meet this and other needs. Shift your focus to your child or spouse. What does s/he need right now? Not what you think they need, but what would really help from their perspective? Put your attention on loving your child or spouse. Meeting their need unconditionally without the expectation of anything in return. Watch them respond and experience your love. We all have the need for certainty from the time we are born. When this need is not met, it can create stress and frustration. Our attempts to meet this sometimes becomes more of the problem rather than the solution. Your solution is to shift your focus from frustration to love. You will see how those you care about and love, will naturally respond. You will feel good about your own interactions with them. Less guilt around your own reactions, less frustration and more love…sounds good to me. How about you?

Sometimes getting out the door with kids begs the question…Is it worth it? Sometimes it doesn’t matter because we just have to. Doctor appointments, school, family events…, heck it doesn’t matter if it is this amazing playdate planned for the playground that is for THEM! You still go through the challenges of saying over and over, and over again…”it’s time to go.” You may have even threatened to walk out the door in the hopes your little one will jump and do what is needed to get moving. Nope. Has this happened to you? Too many times to count I am sure. Why does it have to be so hard? I will tell you why. Your child is in his physical body and immersed in what he is doing. Whether it is playing with toys, attempting to play with you or wants to do something that feels good to him. It is all good intentions. Well, maybe for him but not for you who has a certain number of things to do or a certain time to do this or get to wherever it is you need to be. You are totally in your head. You’re disconnected to where your child is at. Think about where your brain is in your body and your heart. There is a considerable amount of space between the two. Moving down to your heart and deeper into your physical body will move you closer to where your child is at. Connecting With Your Child When trying to get out the door you may be throwing out commands to your child like, “it is time to go, please put your shoes on.” With your child being in his physical body, he is not easily able to respond to that type of command. It requires him to move into his head and process what is being said. This can be stressful. If your child is stressed, getting her to cooperate is more unlikely and it is only going to increase the stress for you as well, which will further exasperate her. A vicious cycle. Start by making sure you are ready to leave. If you are not quite ready then you will be running around throwing out all kinds of (even if in a super kind voice) commands until you realize you had asked 10 times already. So, plan ahead and make sure bags are packed, anything else you need to take along and you are ready to walk out the door. Now go and collect your child. Physically get close, make eye contact and engage with your child. Make an observation about what he is doing. “Oh, it looks like you are making those airplanes fly really high,” or “those books you took off the shelf would love to be put on the table so we can read them after lunch.” You have just connected with your child. Now think of ways you can further meet him at the physical level. You can try a gentle touch of the arm, a hug or light squeeze. You can even try turning the transition into a game or a song. Say, “Let’s play a game.” If you have other children, you can use that moment to say, “First we need to gather your sister and ask her to play. We will be going on an adventure and we need everyone to play.” Once you have connected with the other children you can try getting everyone to play or sing. Your adventure can be turned into an animal bus ride. Your vehicle is the bus and everyone pretends to be an animal and has to act like that animal all the way to the car. Have fun with it! Prepare to get creative since we all need variety at times, including your child. Your child may find the one thing you do fun and want to do it all the time. Do it! Either way it works out, it will be best for you to be prepared to start the transition and make the time. Leaving the house can be challenging especially when you are in the mindset of getting out the door. By simply preparing and taking the time to connect and gather your child, will help smooth out this once dreaded transition. Best wishes! #parenting #relationships

Today I got angry. My buttons were pushed. It happens. When was the last time you felt anger? Was it with the kids or your spouse? Maybe someone at work or on the road. We all get angry. Anger is a clear boundary marker for your protection and should be used just for that and not to intimidate, influence or to be heard. When anger is not acknowledged or expressed effectively it can be damaging to your relationships. It can destroy a marriage and it can hurt your children. Let’s not focus on the damage it can do, but rather its usefulness. Can anger be useful? Of course it can and here is how…. Anger can be used as a tool and help you to create deeper connections in your relationships. It will also contribute to a more joyfulness in your own life. Here are 4 Steps to take that will help you to use anger as a tool: #1 Honor your feelings. Acknowledge that you have a valid feeling. Tell yourself, “Ok, I am feeling angry right now.” Do this in the moment. Identify that you are feeling angry and other emotions that come with it. Ask yourself…are you feeling hurt, disrespected, ignored, lonely, unloved, etc.? Your emotions will tell you what it is that you are not getting at that moment. By just stopping in the moment and honoring your feeling of anger, will help you to respond to the situation rather than react. Being more conscious of this is key to the safety felt in a relationship. This is especially important when dealing with children. Reacting can create uncertainty for children and lead to problems in their behavior. (See more on creating certainty) Breathe deeply into your heart and get out of your head. The response that flows will come from a higher self and more authentic. #2 Turn your feelings into needs. Determine what it is that you are not getting emotionally and what you need. For example, if you are feeling disrespected and you may have a need for more respect, significance, or validation in your life. #3 Identify vehicles for meeting those needs. What could you do that could help you to gain more significance in your life? Would it be a new job, recognition from your spouse, etc.…? Get specific and identify measurable means for meeting this need. #4 Express to others how you are feeling and what you need. Do this clearly without yelling, attacking or avoiding. The latter behaviors are sure ways to not get your needs met and to damage your relationships. You must validate your own state of emotions and you will feel more in control of you and your happiness. When anger is used as a tool and expressed effectively, it can enhance your relationships. As a bonus, your children will learn how to manage strong emotions as you model these steps for them. Creating and maintaining healthy relationships will require you to take control of your anger and to use it as a tool for building intimacy and connection. It is ok for you to be angry. It is an emotion and you should honor this feeling and take care of yourself. #relationships #parenting #couples #angermanagement #emotionalintelligence

Let’s talk limit setting with children today. Yes, all the fun stuff about parenting. In reality, when we set clear, firm and loving boundaries we will make parenting more enjoyable--even fun. Well, maybe not at first if you have not been clear. Your child will push against that limit and test you to make sure you are serious. They want to know if we are really holding a safe space for them. They are not consciously thinking this but they are wired to need our guidance and limit setting is the vehicle. Setting limits may mean saying No to your child, but it does not always have to be. Setting a limit can look like, “You may drive your cars on the floor (as opposed to on the painted walls).” It may be you touching your child gently to guide them to the floor or moving the cars to the floor for them if they demonstrate they are not able to do this on their own. Your child may cry, whine or whale in opposition to this limit. Should you give in? Absolutely not! Here is when I ask you, are you a waffle or a tree? If you waffle in your decision and not follow through, your child will not understand that limit and not take you seriously. “She is saying to play on the floor, but if I cry she will let me drive the cars on the wall,” says your child inside his little head. When setting a limit, be firm and grounded like a tree. Your child needs to know you are there to protect him. Be firm but loving with your limit. For example, “Johnny, playing with the cars is a lot of fun, we will play with the cars on the floor. Cars are to be played with on the floor.” WARNING…..whatever you do, DO NOT say, “Ok?” at the end. That Ok at the end is waffling. Your child is probably thinking at that point, “I like driving on the wall, so I am going to keep doing this…it is fun.” Here are some tips: Decide if this behavior or action needs a limit. Clearly, calmly and firmly set the boundary with your child—get down to your child’s level and look them in the eye or touch them with a hand on their shoulder. Physically & gently direct them if needed. Follow through-give it the time it needs which may mean letting go of your agenda for the time being (i.e., cooking dinner, getting somewhere, etc...). So, in helping create certainty, love and growth for your child, be conscious to set limits that are firm and loving. More importantly, follow through with your decision. Sometimes things get worse before they get better, so stand your ground and you will see your child respond much better over time. Best wishes!

I love the release you get when you close the door or you see your child drift off to sleep and you have that moment of silence. Ahh.... It feels like a weight has been lifted a little. What do you do with all that freedom? Pass out yourself from exhaustion, laundry, prep dinner, veg out on social media or in front of the t.v.? Sometimes I do all of those things but more often than not these days, I make it a point to do something that is a priority for ME. This can be anything. Again, these days it may be writing for my business but sometimes it is getting in a quick workout, or...wait for it....take a shower! As parents we often put our needs last, and that can certainly lead us into feeling overwhelmed and burned out. Not a good place to be parenting from! So what is important for you right now? Is there a project you have been interested in starting, a new workout you want to try or even workout at all, maybe some calming meditation? Decide today what it is that you really want for yourself right now--a goal for yourself.Start making it a priority during those naps or after the kids go to bed. It does not have to be long. You can even do something for 15, 20 or even 30 minutes. Just enough to give something to yourself. Then go pass out if you need to you. Best wishes!