Is there something you’re avoiding in your relationship? It could be that you want to talk to your partner about something, but want to avoid potential conflict. Or maybe you want to change how you show up in the relationship, but it feels scary to disrupt the status quo. It also feels better to not deal with it in the moment, because it’s part of our human design to seek pleasure and sidestep pain. But when it comes to having an intimate relationship you must be willing to move beyond the fear of rejection and vulnerability, because vulnerability is what creates connection.
Avoiding That Thing Has Consequences
You know you’re avoiding something in your relationship because you keep thinking about it, reading about it, and seeing “signs” everywhere. The fact that you’re reading this is a solid sign in itself. It makes sense that you’d rather watch another episode of your show with your partner than take uncomfortable action, but I want you to think about what avoidance is doing to your relationship.
One consequence is that the fear of being seen and rejected creates a wall around you. To protect yourself, you close off and create limits, and act from a place of survival. Neither you nor your relationship can thrive because you don’t want to risk being hurt. By refusing to be vulnerable, you’re also shutting down the opportunity to connect with your partner.
Another possibility is that you’re afraid to take action because of something that has either happened to you in the past or that you’ve imagined. For example, maybe when you were a child your parents fought a lot about money. Thus, you don’t talk about finances with your partner to avoid the big argument you associate with it. The fear convinces you that inaction makes more sense than the potential outcome. So, despite your desire for something different, you keep allowing the fear to lead you down the same path. Your values and actions are misaligned, so you don’t have the life or relationship you truly want. This can lead to a deep feeling of disempowerment.
Neither of these options are great, and they won’t lead to the deep, connected, and intimate relationship that you want. Yes, this means you need to start letting down your walls and questioning your fears, which isn’t easy. Keeping the relationship you want in mind, however, will help.
If you’ve been avoiding something in your relationship, I want you to think long-term. What is your vision for your relationship ten years from now? How do you act with your partner? What type of person are you? Are your present actions congruent with that vision?
When you have a clear idea of what you want from your relationship, you can draw strength from it when fears pop up. Respond from this place that’s filled with your values and standards, rather than a place of fear. Allow yourself to stretch and grow outside of your comfort zone, and practice being who you need to be in order to make your vision come true.
It only takes one person to create change. So be the change and watch how things unfold when you act and live with intention rather than out of fear.