Explore The Secrets To Thriving Within Your Relationship

Are you a parent? I am sure you know someone who is that is close to you or maybe many. They are going to want to watch the interview I did with Parenting Coach and Expert, Erika Stroh, from Parent From the Heart, Inc. Erika has appeared in past interviews within my Simplicity for Moms Facebook Group and has offered valuable and straightforward suggestions around parenting. Recently, I asked Erika to answer the common question, "My child does not listen to me. What can I do?" Erika shares her heartfelt response as a Mom to two teens herself, and as an expert who coaches many families to navigate through the challenges of parenthood. Erika's strategies help to maintain the love and connection that is necessary between parent in child to gain cooperation. In this interview, she shares the difference between the desire to control versus the desire to get cooperation from our children. She shares tips on how to make a connection on a human level with your child that invites respect between you and your child that will last throughout the parenting years. As a mom to three young boys, I know what it is like to be in those moments when no one hears your words, and you feel like a broken record. It is exhausting, and it leads to frustration and parenting from a place that doesn't feel good. Trust me--I have been there before, too. I know we all have. I enjoyed listening to Erika's suggestions and have already found it so helpful in how I have been relating to my boys. I know you will get much out of it as well. Let us know what you think. Tell us what you implement and your results. I want to hear from you. Leave a comment below or over at Simplicity for Moms on Facebook. Erika Stroh is available for support and can be reached at www.parentfromtheheart.com

I believe that our relationships are crucial to our growth, and vulnerability is essential to having healthy, strong and supportive relationships. It is not easy to be vulnerable. Many of us were not taught how to have clear boundaries and how to get our needs met most effectively. You probably found ways to cope with not getting your need met by your original caretakers to help you to survive. Unfortunately, these coping mechanisms serve us up until a point, usually allow us to be successful in a career, but not successful in love. Why? Because... When we are in survival state, we are guarded, and less willing to be vulnerable. Without vulnerability you do not have intimacy. When you can't show up and be vulnerable in your life and relationships, you can't be yourself. It also means that you are not feeling safe. When you don't feel safe to be you, feel loved, supported or accepted, you move into a state of protection (fight/flight), and this state can trigger others, especially your love partner, to react in the same manner. It is a recipe for conflict, hurt and dissatisfaction, not only in your relationship but in your life. Taking the risk of sharing your vulnerable side can create softness and open you and the other up. So much more can happen when you are open. I know it can feel scary, especially if you don’t believe you are not feeling safe in that relationship. So be open in a smart way. Create healthy boundaries to protect yourself from further wounding. Boundaries can create clarity in your life and relationships so that you are clear about what it is you will accept in your life, what you need and when it is not yours to take. You can learn how to create healthy boundaries and move out of that fight or flight reaction in your relationship interactions. I want to challenge you, however, to take a bit of a risk and be vulnerable. The holidays are here and this is a perfect time to be grateful. So here is my challenge to you: Start with something easy. We do not need to add more stress to your life right now so start by choosing someone that you are close with, that you feel pretty safe to be open with. Share one thing you are grateful for about them, and share it with them in-person and face-to-face. This act alone is vulnerable and may bring up some discomfort. Make note of how you feel and come back and share with me. Keep me posted by sending me an email, commenting below or posting on social media with the hashtag #vulnerabilitychallenge #relationships #lifecoach #couplestherapist #vulnerability #relationshipsupport #conflictresolutiion #boundaries

Simplify. Connect. Inspire. These three words inspire me daily. I share them with my clients as a way of being in their lives and relationships. In today’s modern world where everything is so fast-paced, and we are bombarded with the messages that we need more, leaves many of us feeling overwhelmed, disconnected and unfulfilled. You received messages very early on about what life is, relationships are and who you should be. You built your life on these beliefs that may no longer be serving you or your relationships. Your beliefs guide your decisions and actions and are key to understanding why you do what you do and also your patterns. You are human so you are naturally drawn to what is familiar and tend to repeat patterns in your life, even when you know it is not useful or even harmful. It is part of how we learn to survive. Then we couple up with partners that trigger us in ways that draw us back into these patterns. When you’re triggered, you are likely triggering your partner, and then you are both stuck in this vicious cycle of hurting each other again and again. It doesn’t allow for safety, connection, or growth. I believe, however, that we can grow from our relationships and learn from them and learning to relate to ourselves and others better. We can create safety and connection with awareness, motivation and the right tools. When we simplify, we connect, and we inspire. Here is a glimpse at how incorporate these words of inspiration into my work: Simplify--Simplicity creates ease and space for connection with yourself and others. I start with identifying values and desires, so there is clarity and direction. I like to declutter and get rid of what is no longer serving you or your relationships and implement rhythms and rituals to support a new foundation. Connect—When there is less noise, you hear better. There is a voice inside of you that knows what you desire. You get to learn how to connect back to yourself, reconnect with lost parts and integrate all of who you are. All of this happens in the context of your relationships because we can learn a lot about ourselves from others and I will show you how to create healthier relationships with clear boundaries. Inspire—Learning to take self-responsibility and be the driver of your own life is being a leader. A leader inspires others. I like to look at how your change impacts those around you and how you encourage or create change in others. I invite you to contact me for a Free 30-minute Exploration Call so we can explore what you desire in your life and relationships, and how to get to where you want to be. You may book your Free call here. If you feel inspired today, or something was triggered within you that you would like to share, drop my a comment below or send me a message at cari@couplesandfamilies.com.

I can't believe it was almost two years ago. I remember it so distinctly. I was raising three young boys, mostly by myself since my husband was traveling for work. Managing, cooking, cleaning, you name it, and on top of all this, I was starting to branch out into the world of private practice again. I was finishing up the final pieces of my coach certification, and I wanted to start seeing clients once again. My plate was full, and I was so unsure about how to move forward with my practice, and I knew for sure, it was time to get help. I was about to hire a business coach when I came across the Mentor Masterclass Holiday Challenge. Coach Jey, who would later become my coach, mentor, and friend, was talking about bringing in self-care practices, sisterhood, feminine leadership, etc. I had this gut feeling that I needed to be part of this challenge. I spent the next 21 days among many women, in this challenge. Taking time for myself was not easy during the busy holidays. It was so much easier to say, "I will get to it when I get to it." It was easier to put the kids, work, the house, and everything first. It was becoming evident to me that in all my efforts to "do" that I forgot about an essential piece of the puzzle--myself. I was used to pushing through, thinking I will slow down as soon as I can, that I needed to do it all, and do it myself. A month later, I committed to receiving more support, and I started working with Coach Jey in one of her programs. What I didn't expect to happen was the realization of how deep a safe space is to grow. This sounds insane to me. I am a therapist for crying out loud. I hold a safe space for my clients every time I am with them. Of course, this is important! The thing that changed for me was that I felt the power of this support. Remember, I was of the mindset that I had to do it and do it alone. It has not been easy to allow support into my life. There were many times when I held back when I was afraid to ask, felt like I was burdening others or I was complaining. All I was doing was hurting myself. I could not fully grow or be myself. It was me hiding behind a mask. Trying to be someone I did not need to be anymore. Who am I, is a powerful question. Have you asked yourself this lately? I continue to unveil the truth for myself with this question. The support of people around me that are capable of holding a space for me to show up complaining, vulnerable, and dark has allowed me to move through this process. When they celebrate the moments when I have stepped into my authenticity, and doing what it is that fulfills me, I know I am home. I realize now that NO one is meant to do it alone. We all need support. We need someone to hold us in when we are vulnerable. That holding, support, and love will free you. It will give you clarity. In a world constantly filled with "too" much, we can lose clarity. We lose focus on what matters because we are trying to be too many things or we are so confused about what we really want. Turn down the noise. Shut down the screens. Go IN for some time. Remember, you don't have to do it alone. Part of what I do with my clients is helping them cultivate the support they need, specifically in their relationships. It is through this support that you will heal and grow. I believe we can heal within our relationships when we get what we need. Recently, Coach Jey @jeanineyoder.com interviewed me and spotlighted Cari Sans, Coach & Therapist. You can learn more about my work and catch the interview at here. The 5-Free Focused Creation Sessions are full, but you can still grab a Free 30-Minute Boundary Exploration call with me. Hey, we need clear boundaries, accountability, and support! I will only be offering these Free sessions for one more month, so grab one now before the holiday season begins. Visit my calendar for dates and times available. I am grateful for the support that I have cultivated for my life, and I am clear that you can do this too.

Clutter is everywhere. It is in our inboxes, our homes, our minds. It is sometimes loud and calling out in all different directions. If you are a woman, you know full well that all these things talk to us. You should do this or that and it just adds to our already full plates. I get overwhelmed with it all and when I do, I get a soul fever. Soul fever was coined by Kim John Payne in his book, Simplicity Parenting. Sure, I see it happen in my children, and I also see it happen for me. A soul fever is an emotional response from the pressures of the outside world. In children, it may look like a tantrum, disobedience, whining, crying or that something is just not right with them. In adults...well, I believe it is not a whole lot different. I can admit I have a tantrum every now and again. I can become irritable, short, frustrated easily. At times, I just want to hide and run away from it all. Do you ever experience any of this? During a soul fever, we are at odds with our true selves. Uncertain about who we are. Disconnected to our center (for kids that is us--the parent). It is at these moments you must recognize the call. There is a voice inside of you that is calling for you to slow down, and to listen. We need to be able to hear it and respond. In a world where everything is fast paced and little room for any patience, we often miss the calling in our hearts. You say to yourself, "I will rest later when this or that is done." Believe me; I am no stranger to sitting down at 10 o'clock pm and realizing that it was the first time I sat all day. We get sucked into the vortex of being Super-beings. Heck, I have my cell phone, and I can get a whole lot done if you give me the time on it. When you get caught up in the chaos of life, you become disconnected from yourself. Your true desire. You can't hear what is in your heart. As a parent, this makes it hard to respond to my children from an authentic, heart-centered place. It confuses you and others. You don't know who you are anymore. You may say yes to more things that you don't desire to commit to. You stretch yourself in search of what might be good when you need to quiet everything around you. Simplifying your life is one way to remove the noise. You can start by reducing the amount of stress in your life and creating white space in your day. "Simplification is about stripping away the distractions and clutter that monopolize our attention and threaten our connection." -Kim John Payne, Simplicity Parenting You are not alone in this. We live in a world of noise. We are witnessing the disconnection in relationships all around us as a result of a multitude of distractions coming at us daily. I am here to support you and have created a tool that can help. CHECK OUT my list of a Dozen Tips to Manage Overwhelm and Create More Ease. Are you signed up to receive my newsletters and updates? If you would like to receive more tips & strategies for creating the life & relationships you desire, SIGN UP today here and receive two additional FREE gifts to support your focused creation.

Summer is here for all of us in the Northern Hemisphere. It feels so good to be outside, the sun beating down on you, and just the more laid back feeling that comes with this season. Maybe it doesn’t feel so laid back for you, but for me, I like my summer to be lighter. I want to feel free in my days. Having kids has undoubtedly made it more challenging to be free. I believe the structure is necessary so that kids feel secure and, to be honest, it helps me a lot too. But in the summer, I want to sit back and lounge, plan adventures with family and friends and bbq often. It can be challenging to be in this place of ease, to let go of control and surrender. I wanted to share with you some of my tips for letting go of control to help you ease into the summer as well. Create quiet time in your day. Do you get so busy that you rarely have a moment to sit? I know I catch myself at times going into the evening, like 9 pm and realizing I have not sat ALL day. Incorporating a break, a slow down in the day can help you feel refreshed and less tense—and less likely to feel the need to control. I now wear a watch that reminds me to breathe, move or even stand at times during the day. You could do this in your phone calendar and have reminders pop up. Build in a summer schedule for yourself or your family and follow that schedule but be flexible with it. This may sound paradoxical, but if you set yourself a rhythm in the day, it is easy to keep things flowing. So, if you have your structure, the overall picture of how the day/week goes, you can move things around and still feel accomplished. If something changes, move things around! Be open to opportunities. Listen for the invitations to try something different, a new adventure, maybe a new food or restaurant. Look for opportunities to connect with others maybe with a gathering or attending an event. Break down the fear. Control is rooted in fear and fear can keep you stuck, so work on limiting any fear-based thoughts. First, write down what the concern is behind whatever you are trying to control. For example, keeping the countertops clean and clear in your home, when you have multiple family members. Maybe the fear is that if you don’t, you have failed at life, parenting, or whatever it is for you. Next, challenge yourself by asking the question, Is this true? Would having cluttered countertops mean you have failed at life, or that there are five of you and everyone has their own mind about what needs to be on the countertops? Set boundaries around the problem. Who are you trying to control in the situation? If it is another person, you will be unsuccessful or drive yourself crazy trying. Decide who’s problem, is it? If it is yours, come up with options for how to deal with your issue. Consult the most non-biased person you can find and explore multiple options so that you know you have choices. Let it be. Accepting things as they are, and building in trust that things will work out. Living in this place of uncertainty may not be easy, especially if certainty is one of your top needs; however, having faith is vital to doing so. Find ways to keep you optimistic about life, listen to inspirational books, shows, videos, etc. Read inspirational material. Use daily affirmations. There are many ways to keep yourself lifted and building faith. Pay attention to your body and emotions. Are you needing a break? If this is the case, take time off. The benefits will far outweigh the cost of the building pressure. You may need to ask for help and put things in place to make it happen (i.e., a babysitter, vacation fund, ask for time-off). You do not have to do things alone, so gather up those who can support you and request their support. Then happily accept their help. Letting go of control can be something that you work through each time it comes up. When you notice it happening for you, try some of these tips to help ease the tension and build in flexibility. It will happen less and less for you.

Becoming a Mom has changed me in so many ways and has helped me to mature. First, my children's behaviors push me like no other, well maybe close to my father when I was a strong-willed teen--lol. Seriously, it is like they know every button to push me. I pray to God sometimes, saying I know there is a lesson in all this. Please give me the strength. Parenting is no joke. But, I believe we all have people in our lives that know how to hit that reactive button in you, and off you go. I also think that we can grow so much as a person within these relationships. Maybe you have developed excellent coping skills for these triggers, or perhaps you still struggle with keeping yourself together in those moments. Wherever you fall on that scale, it helps to have tools. Tools give you options for how to handle situations where you feel like your life is out of control. No longer do I fall into the trap of thinking that these things are happening to me. I have shifted my mindset around this negative thinking and now see it as an opportunity to grow. This shift is not always easy to do, sometimes I have to vent out the feelings and frustrations, which I have an adult support system to help me to do this with, and sometimes I am just so unconsciously competent in it because I have been working this muscle for so long. Please don't mistake this for perfection. I at times will react to my children or others. I am human. However, I have a toolbox full to keep myself above water. Tools give us the means to work on the stuff in our lives that need fixing. As a coach & therapist, I make sure that I set my clients toolbox up well so that they have options especially when the first thing is not working right, they can try something else. What happens if you don't have anything but one tool or way of dealing with things and that is not working? Think about what it would feel like to have options? Want to hear more about what I am talking about and learn tools to help you feel more in control of your own life? Watch my interview with my coach friend, Jen McKay, where I share tips on how to gain control in your life and empower yourself. Let us know your thoughts in the comments over at the Perspectives channel (you can subscribe here for more FREE videos from other coaches) or in the comments below. If you would like to learn more about how to effectively apply these tools and more into your life & relationships, I invite you to book a call with me by visiting my calendar here.

A little over a year ago, my husband and I decided to move our family. It was a new adventure for us, but I did not realize that preparing for this move would shift things for me as profoundly as it did. At this time, I was in the early part of my second coach training program and supported by a group of like-minded woman. I had a lot going on as it was, between the program, building my coaching practice, being a mom to three young kids and managing our home. My husband was traveling quite a bit for work, and I had no family around me for support. I didn't realize it at the time, but I felt alone, exhausted and disconnected. I just thought this is what I 'should' be doing--all of it, a good job, and a superhuman multi-tasker. Yes, I thought I was superwoman. I wanted the sale of our home to be a huge success, and I worked hard preparing for our Open House. It was a success, and we sold our home in three days. Yeah!!! However, it was at the cost of my health. I found myself falling into the third stage of adrenal fatigue, and I was scared. I knew I could not go on like this. I was afraid of not having the energy or ability to get things done, especially with young kids. Forget the big stuff, I am talking about getting out of bed to prepare meals for my kids, take them to school, and laundry ('cause with three kids it is never-ending). The thought of this was frightening! I kept showing up to my circle of supportive women from my coaching program. I tried to be honest, but it was not easy. I didn't want anyone to think I was not capable. I didn't want to believe it. But if I was exhausted from doing what I 'should' be doing, wasn't I a failure? These thoughts continued to plague. I knew, however, that my typical push through was not possible this time. I knew I would push myself deeper into adrenal fatigue and unable to do anything. I had to start asking for help, delegating and the biggest obstacle...be willing to receive. Yep, that was the kicker. "Oh no, I am good, I got it." This was what I would say. After all, I am superwoman, right? I am so grateful for the woman in my life at that time (and they are still my support system). They created a space for me to show up in this messiness, exhausted, feeling crappy and judgemental about myself for not knowing better, and judging my capabilities. These kind, gentle and wise women gave me love, support, and guidance. They encouraged me to be real, to not hide behind the mask of how I thought I should be showing up. They gave me the opportunity to dig deeper, get vulnerable and see what it is that I truly wanted in my life. They helped me to see myself as deserving of help, and the empowerment that comes from being receptive. I am really a sovereign Queen. Now I ask myself, "would a Queen do it all on her own?" Hello, no! She is supported, she delegates, and is beautifully nurtured. Did you know that by allowing others to help you, it gives them the opportunity to step into their greatness? This was such a radical shift for me around accepting and honoring my need for help and no longer feeling I was alone. Now accepting support allows me to be of service. It is a beautiful and powerful reframe. There are so many ways to feel supported and be of service. I learned that I had the right to take care of my needs first and that this was critical to my health and the overall good of my relationships. I learned that my need to rest, to nurture myself and take space for me-time was not being a bad Mom, wife, (you fill in the blank), a failure or less than anyone else. The best part was that I learned to be kind to myself. Self-compassion holds so much healing power. When you think about it, how good was I to anyone if I was not kind to myself? If I am wounded and keeping hitting that wound with self-judgment, I am preventing myself from being in full service to others. Receive my List of a Dozen Ways to Manage Overwhelm + Create Ease Plus 20 Essential Tips to Communicating Effectively in Your Relationships & More Get Three (3) FREE gifts to help you to improve your Life & relationships. GET IT NOW I am much more open to seeing the ways I am supported and being open to receiving. Today, I am full of gratitude for these woman showing up in my life when they did.This experience, this shift, has influenced my work with clients, helping each person I work with dig into their desires, unmasking what is hidden and tapping into their courage to step into who they are without severing their relationships. It is a beautiful thing when we can be ourselves in our relationships, feel accepted and supported. This is my story. One of many. Happy National Story Day! Do you have a story you would like to tell? I would be honored to hear your story. If you would like to share your story, be heard and explore the lessons this story holds for renewal, book a Free Discovery Call with me by clicking HERE and heading over to my calendar. You are supported!

Taking a look at your own part in your relationship may not be easy. It is always easier to see what your partner is doing or not. You need to become an observer. Step outside of your relationship and really take responsibility for your actions. Do you participate in potentially toxic behaviors? Which do you observe in your own actions? Check out some examples of toxic behaviors to help you with this. Now that you have recognized the things you do, whether you do them often or just once in a while, it is time to release these behaviors. Start by thanking them. Thanking behaviors that are toxic to my relationship, what?? Yes, they have been with you for a reason. Maybe you learned these behaviors from your parents or other role models. These behaviors may have been a way for you to protect yourself from potentially getting hurt. Whatever the reason, because there is one, see the intention in a positive light. These behaviors showed up and for a reason, and thank them for serving you for as long as they have. Maybe there was a time you needed this protection. Maybe they helped you to cope with your life and relationships. And now release them. Let them go because they no longer serve you. You are no longer needing these behaviors in your life or relationship. You are empowering yourself to have better. To step up in your relationship in a much bigger way. Close your eyes and visualize the toxic behaviors that you have come to own in your relationship. Give each of these behaviors a name. Now one by one, in your mind, or out loud, talk to each one. Say, “thank you ____ for serving me for so long. I no longer need your help and I am letting you go.” Now visualize yourself releasing these behaviors. You can do this in any way you want. Releasing them into the air, water, fire…whatever feels right for you. Let in love. How can you see everything that happens in your relationship through love? Begin to look at what was once a problem now through the lense of love. What is the positive intention behind your lover’s actions? Just as you were able to see your own actions in a positive light, see your lovers in the same way. It is serving a purpose. You do not want your lover to feel a need to protect. No…. you want the armor to come off. For your lover to be open to showing vulnerability. How do you do this? Through love. 20 Essential Tips for Creating Successful Relationships & Communicate with Feeling Get these two FREE gifts to help you to improve your relationships. GET IT NOW There are three levels of a relationship. The first level is about “I.” How can I benefit. What do I want? It is about your needs coming first. The second level is about creating fairness or trading. Each partner needs to get theirs. You go out, so I get to go out. This level of relating can easily slip down to the level one when one person feels they are not getting theirs and that things are unfair. The third level is all about unconditional love and the other’s needs coming first. This is putting love first. I do this because I love you. There is a focus on meeting your partners needs even if your needs are not being met. This is not to say your needs are not important but the focus is not there, and you take care of your needs regularly as part of being a leader in your life. You give love and nothing is needed in return. So, as part of the Relationship Detox, I challenge you to love unconditionally and elevate your relationship to a level three. Focus on giving love and meeting your lovers needs for the next 90 days or whenever you are ready to step up your relationship. Give it your all and watch what blossoms from your efforts. As you continue with your relationship detox, let me remind you to recognize and take responsibility for your part. Release the behaviors that are no longer serving you or your relationships. Allow love to guide you and focus on giving unconditionally in your relationship for the next 90 days. If you feel challenged, because there will be days you will, remind yourself why you are doing this. Seek support and guidance. This is your opportunity to step up and lead so that your relationship is stronger.

I am a busy mom of three boys and run my own business. I am the CEO of my household and my company. That is a lot to hold. When it comes to feeding my family, I always dread that question, "what should I cook tonight?" For many years, I would ask myself this question, go through my recipes in my mind, picture what items I had (because going to the fridge or pantry would take too much effort) and then try to come up with someone. Sometimes I would be crazy enough to make a quick run to the market to get what I needed. Even if it meant putting my strong-willed toddler in his car seat 2x to do this. One day, I came across this cool post on Pinterest on a meal planning board, and it gave me an idea. I love simplifying my life because honestly, there is a lot to overwhelm us these days. Knowing what to cook for dinner is the last thing I want to feel bogged down with. I wanted a rhythm to our meals so that we could feel the ease of the sacred meal together because Mommy is less stressed and everyone knows what to expect. I love the certainty this creates for all of us! Watch the video I created for you where I walk you through the best tool for making meal planning easy. It is simple, and you can make it more beautiful with crafts. For me, the more simple, the better. Watch my video and share! Does this sound doable? What ideas come to you? Have you tried it, how is this tool working for you? Please share in the comments below, or join the conversation in my FB group Simplicity for Moms or on my page @coachcarisans.

How often do you get overwhelmed? For me, it can happen quite often. In my training as a Simplicity Family Life Coach, I was able to make a lot of sense of why I get triggered and how to reduce this emotional state for myself. Kim John Payne, the author of Simplicity Parenting (SP), talks about how kids experience daily stressors and how each of these stressors accumulates to equal to the impact of a traumatic event. Now, I am not a child, but I do know that children are getting hit daily with too much stuff that is taking away from their childhood, and as an adult, I feel this attack on my own joy. Do you? Too many emails, advertisements about this and that thing, what you should or need to have a fantastic life. Facebook or Instagram pics of people having the time of their lives and living blissfully, and you're not. Bigger homes, cars, phones, and more and more to do, activities to rush to, events to participate. The list can go on. Add parenting, whether you are one to a child, maybe multiple little ones, or fur babies, you now have the responsibility of caring for someone other than yourself. What happens when you get overwhelmed or stressed from all this stuff flooding into your life? Do you get irritable, angry, resentful, quiet, withdrawn, or act out any old patterns or addictions? What does it look like, when you move out of your best self and into your stressed version of who you are, or what we call in SP ‘Soul Fever'? The interesting thing about many of us today, in the high pressured, masculine world, is that we often just push through this state. Today we are doing as much as we can, getting mad at ourselves when we can't do it all or do it correctly, and making harsh judgments about oneself and others. It can be a vicious cycle that depletes your energy, joy, health, and passion. Ugghh..why do we live like this? You are not alone in doing this, many of us were never taught how to slow down. We live in a world where the masculine qualities like doing, thinking, giving, being in your head, structure, control, rational and linear are all valued. So we push through those stressors because it makes sense from this perspective. Keep moving forward, right? These qualities are of value. This energy helps us to have a structure in our life and a container for us to be more in our flow. As a Mom, I need to be ON this way so that I can manage everything that comes with being a parent, running a house and also my outside work (my biz, my passion). Part of the problem is we have lost sight of the value of the feminine qualities that can be profoundly healing to all of us. Men and woman each have either masculine or feminine at their core, but we can take on the energy of each. This energy has nothing to do with sexual preference and all to do with the way we express ourselves. This energy fuels the things we do and think the way we do. Again, the masculine traits look more like doing, thinking, giving, being in your head, structure, control, rational and linear. The feminine traits are being, receiving, being in the heart, formless, flow and intuitive. Finding the balance between the two is key to living more balanced. So how do you create that balance? Start with honoring your needs. Are you finding yourself more in the masculine and therefore the need to slow down, to rest, to be in flow rather than in productivity? If this is the case, take time to breathe and feel into your heart and listen to what it is saying. We can all have this need whether a man or woman. Being in the feminine energy allows us to be more receptive, creative in our thinking and add warmth to our relationships. Try moving your body more. Spend time outside. Clear out the clutter in your homes, your workspace, your emails. Filter out the adult world more. I believe that our lifestyles do not honor our needs to rest and slow down. The feeling of overwhelm hits both men and woman as more and more expectations arise. Parenting just fuels those expectations and that burned out feeling. Sleep. Sleep is so vital to restoring ourselves, and it is a need we ALL have. Alison Armstrong, a researcher in all things men and woman and the creator of Understanding Men and The Queen's Code, talks about how men restore their testosterone while sleeping or resting so that they can go back out and hunt. Women, she says, regain their energy by "puttering" around. So when a man is lying on the couch channel surfing, he is just recharging, and when a woman is aimlessly strolling, shopping or moving around the home, she too is rebooting. When you consider balancing the feminine and masculine energy, you can explore ideas of how to fuel each energy and what is needed for you to maintain balance, joy, happiness, and ease. What ways do you create that balance for yourself? How do you manage the flood of information, stuff, and expectations that come into your day, week, and life? He who is contended is rich.--Lao Tzu As humans, we seem to complicate things, and sometimes it is super simple. Slow down, honor your needs, and you will be full. Remember, less can be more.

Today I want to talk with you about exercise. I believe that exercise is important to embracing your true feminine power. When you regularly commit to this type of action, you build strength, confidence, sexual energy, endorphins (all those good feelings), and you are doing so much for your health. I see it as an opportunity to have all these things and lead by examples for so many others. If you have a young child or children, this may have felt like a challenge. It does not have to be! Today I am going to share with you how to get your work out on when you are a mom. I have three young kids and I have been able to work out with them daily, no excuses, and my kids know that this is what “we” do. Today I am going to share with you how I got there and 8 tips for how you can get there too! #1- Make a Decision- Decide today that this is something you need to do for yourself. To love yourself. To really own your true feminine power and feel good about yourself. #2 Take Action. Do something each day, whether it be big or small. Just start somewhere and begin. Now that you have decided and ready to take action do so immediately. If you do not take action immediately it can slip off the radar. Other priorities get in the way. #3 Set your intention early in the morning. Do you want exercise to be part of your day? Set that intention first thing in the morning. If the intention is there, you are more likely to make it happen. Working out in the morning is also a great way to start your day. Wait, do you have a child that is like ALL three of mine, that loves to wake super early? The tips I am about to share are perfect for working out with your child. Especially if going to a gym and having them play in the childcare is not an option. I work out at home or outside all the time and these work for me. #4 Create Routine & Ritual. Make exercising part of your daily routine. It needs to become part of what “we” do in your message to your children. For example, “Mommy exercises now and you play with your special toys.” Consistently hold this routine for your family and they will learn that it is part of the day. Create rituals around it, like preparing the night before, setting up your child with toys or in a special space, sing a song that transitions you into this activity from the previous one. #5 Have Snack and Toys Available. Having either a snack and/or toys available during the time you are working out will keep your child occupied during your workout. The snack will also help to hold them over until the next meal, especially if it is an early morning workout and before breakfast. #6 The Surprise Technique. I got this idea from a Simplicity Parenting Coach around offering a child a surprise to help with transitions. I call this the Surprise Technique and it is the offering of a surprise to motivate your child to move from one place/thing to another. The key is to create the surprise effect, i.e. “Mommy is going to her workout area to exercise and there is a surprise for you there.” It creates excitement. The surprise would be a toy of some sort. It does need to have novelty. So, gather up your child’s toys and keep them away. Bring out one item for the surprise. Since your child has not seen it in a while, it has novelty. EXTRA TIP—You can use this for different transitional situations, like getting into the car seat or into the bathtub. #7 Get your child involved and make it a game. Asking your child to workout with you, or to try some of the routine you do can be fun for your child. I ask my boys all the time if they want big muscles. They love this stuff and they typically show interest enough to move us into the activity and then lose interest within a few minutes. Of course, there are always toys around for them to jump into. Another great way to get them involved is to take your workout outside. If you have an infant then a stroller is your best workout tool. Go for runs/walks with your little one and make that a game. Use a timer to see how fast you can both get to one point to another or around the block. Play I Spy and look for things on your path. If they are old enough to ride on their own, a scooter for your child can help them move faster than if s/he was walking with you and then you can keep up a brisk walk or light run with them by your side. My boys have been riding scooters since they were two and the brand Gllider Scooters, has one with two big wheels in the front and small ones in the back, that make it really easy for them to ride at a young age. We also race on the scooters. There are adult size scooters you can look into if you feel up to riding with them. Bike riding is another option and is a love for my family. Whether you ride with your child on a bike seat (I prefer the one where they sit in front of the bike, like the Ibert) or attach a small trailer for your child to ride in (especially good if you have more than one small child). #8 Tap Into Resources. Trading time with a friend is a really fun way to get some free time to get your workouts in. Plus, your child gets to build a connection and play with other children. It is a great arrangement for you and the other mommy. Hire a local neighborhood teen to help babysit outside of school hours. If they are young this can be a great way for them to gain that experience, and for a lower fee than some more experienced sitters. Plus, if you exercise at home and in the vicinity, it gives you an opportunity to build your trust with that person. Do I hear “date night potential?” I know every child is different and these may not work for everyone. Although I advocate for minimal screen time for young children, I also believe there are times when I choose to use this as a means to an end. I recommend trying out the first 8 tips and doing so consistently for at least 1-2 weeks. But, please, feel free to choose this option. Your health is vital to your wholeness, which directly impacts the way your parent. If getting your workout on for an hour requires you to put your child in front of his/her favorite show for that time, then so be it. Some final thoughts I want to share with you today…. Do not wait for perfection or expect it. Sometimes I will stop my workout video more often than not and multiple times. At times a 25 minute workout takes me 40 minutes. Do not give up. Stop it and go back to it. Send the message to your child that this is what “we” do and that this is important to YOU. There are times when I have to just let it go for the day. Maybe I have stopped it one too many times, maybe the kids are just not working with me. Let it go. There is always another opportunity the next day. And who knows, maybe another one that day. I would love to hear from you. So, if you have tips you would like to share to inspire me and others, please share them in the comments. Have an amazing day!